1.Stupid Question

Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, “What‘s the time, please?”
After a few months, Dan said to himself, “I‘m not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I‘m going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here.” Then he did so.
“Now people aren‘t going to stop and ask me the time,” he thought happily.
But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, “Is that clock right?”

翻譯：
愚蠢的問題

丹在一個大城市的某個俱樂部當守門人。每天都有數千人經過他的門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他:“請問現在幾點？”
幾個月后，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了，我要去買一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上。”于是他買了一只鐘，把它掛在了墻上。
“現在人們總不會再停下來問我時間了。”他高興地想。
可是打那以后，每天仍有許多人停下來，看看鐘，然后問丹:“這鐘準嗎？” 

 
2.if you drink

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
“All right, son,” asked the father, “What does that show you?”
“Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms.”

翻譯：

你只要喝酒的話

一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多么可怕。
他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對比。
清水里蟲子安然無恙，結果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。
“所以，兒子啊，”父親問道，”得出什么結論？”
“恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚里就不會長蟲了！”

 
3.How much English can you speak?

“Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to
be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his
way around. What‘s more, he only speaks a few words of English.”
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, “How much English can you speak?”
The defendant looked up and said, “Give me your wallet!”

翻譯：
你會說多少英文

“法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。
而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。”
法官看了看被告，問道：”你會說多少英文？”
被告抬起頭，說：”把你的錢包給我！”

4.Put your feet in
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. “Mary !” called the teacher sharply. “Yes,Madam?” questioned the pupil , “Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!”

翻譯：
把腳放進去
一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發現了。“瑪麗！”老師嚴厲地叫她。“什么事，老師？”這女學生問。“把口香糖從嘴里拿出來，把腳放進去。”