1.The smart Old Lady

An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:‘ How much this stuff?‘
‘Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.‘
The lady said, ‘It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.‘
‘I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.‘
‘It is still too much,‘ replied the old lady, ‘give it to me for five.‘

翻譯：

聰明的老太太

一位耳聾并且總是嫌東西太貴的老太太走進一家商店。 她問店員：“這東西要多少錢？”
“七美元，太太，這是很便宜的。”
老太太說：“太貴了，十四美元差不多。”
店員忙說：“我沒說十七美元，是七美元。”
“還是太貴，”老太太說：“五美元，我就買啦。” 

2.Excited Remarks

Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals（長聲尖叫） of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I‘m going to have one of those someday, his dad‘s response always was Not as long as I‘m alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I‘m getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.

翻譯：

激動的話

我五歲的兒子對摩托車有強烈的愛好。只要看見一輛摩托車，他就會高興得哇哇直叫，并激動地說：瞧這輛！瞧這輛，我總有一天也要有一輛。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活著，你就別想有這玩藝兒。
一天我們的兒子跟他的小朋友在說話，有一輛摩托車開了過去。他興奮的指著摩托車叫道瞧這輛！瞧這輛！等我爸一死我就要有這樣一輛摩托車了。

 
 
3.Who was the first man?

A teacher said to her class:
Who was the first man?
George Washington, a little boy shouted promptly.
How do you make out that George Washington was the first man? asked the teacher, smiling indulgently.
Because, said the little boy, he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.
But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.
Well, said the teacher to him, who do you think was the first man?
I don‘t know what his name was, said the larger boy, but I know it wasn‘t George Washington, ma‘am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.

翻譯：

誰是第一個男人

有個老師問班上的學生：
誰是第一個男人？
喬治·華盛頓，一個小男孩當即叫道。
你怎么知道喬治·華盛頓是第一個男人呢？老師問道，寬容地微笑著。
小男孩說：因為他是戰時第一，和時第一，國人心中第一。
這時一個大點兒的男孩舉起手來。
那么，老師對他說，你認為誰是第一個男人呢？
我不知道他的名字，大點兒的男孩說，但我知道不是喬治·華盛頓，老師。因為歷史書上說，喬治·華盛頓娶了一個寡婦，所以在他前面肯定還有一個男人。

 
4.I know I could count on you

Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. “Boss,” he says: “we‘re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic（閣樓） and the garage.”

 “We‘re short-handed, Smith.” the boss replies. “I can‘t give you the day off.”

 “Thanks, boss,” says Smith, “I know I could count on you!”

我就知道你要指望我

史密斯去找他的老板。“老板，我們家明天有很重的工作要做，我妻子讓我修閣樓和車庫。”

“可我們很缺人，史密斯。”老板答道，“我不可能放你的假。”

“謝謝，老板。”史密斯說，“我就知道你要指望我。”