1.roast pig

A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:”Not bad, I am next to the pig.” But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: “Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table.”

翻譯：

烤乳豬

一位先生去赴宴遲到了，匆忙入座后，發現自己的座位正對著乳豬，于是大為高興的說：“還不錯，我坐在乳豬的旁邊?！边@時才發現身旁的一位胖女士正怒目相視，他忙陪笑改口到：“對不起，我說的是那只烤好的?！?/p>

2.The doctor lives downstairs

“Doctor,” she said loudly, bouncing into the room, “I want you to say frankly what‘s wrong with me.”
He surveyed her from head to foot. “Madam,” he said at length, “I‘ve just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I‘m an artist—the doctor lives downstairs.”

翻譯：

醫生住在樓下

“醫生”她沖進屋后大聲說道。
“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病。”
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下?！?/p>

3.Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？

Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, “Domestic shame should not be published.”

翻譯：

你們見過男女混合雙打嗎？

體育老師：孩子們，你們見過男女混合雙打嗎？
尼克：見過，老師，經常見。就在昨天夜里我還見過呢！
老師：那你給大家講講當時的情形吧。
尼克：啊，對不起，老師。我爸爸常說:“家丑不可外揚?！?/p>

4.He is really somebody

— My uncle has 1000 men under him.
— He is really somebody. What does he do?
— A maintenance man in a cemetery.

翻譯：

他真是一個大人物

— 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
— 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？
— 墓地守墓人。

5.They are directly from America

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. “Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America.”

翻譯：

它們是從美國直接帶來的

一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”